I suppose I should at least give a proper introduction before we start backpacking through the rest of my life, at least for the readers who are not my mom (HI MOM!). For those who know me, this may or may not be new information. for those who don’t know me, it may take you a little longer to get to know me, but here’s some insider secrets. My name is Kelsey, I absolutely love discussing things that make others uncomfortable, and I hate normative social constructs. Lets talk more about the things I hate; we have time later for deep rooted taboo topics that make you wince with discomfort.
As a cis-gender, bi-racial, plus sized female who is Atheist but went to a Catholic school for about 75% of primary and secondary school, it is needless to say that I have a few issues with the expectations placed upon me. First of all, can we stop assuming that education is only for white people. If one more person calls me white washed or an Oreo, I might lose it. Its insulting to be told that you sound too smart for a black person because I don’t speak Ebonics everyday. The way I talk does not dictate the status of half my race. When I am told to embrace my “blackness” what I hear is “you are acting, dressing, or sounding too white” as though being white is all I have ever wanted. As though the Speaking in full sentences, using complete words doesn’t make me any more white than saying “nigga” and “fam” makes you black.
I suppose it isn’t entirely your fault though. The intentions were good, embracing half of myself that I look the most like; a race that is underappreciated and valued, but over-abused systemically. You have been systemically and social sold on the idea that black people are uneducated, and only talk in Ebonics. They are thugs and drug dealers who have no real goals in life. Now that there are movements like #BLACKLIVESMATTER, Its like you want us to finally take back our culture as long as it is different and less appealing than white people. When POC get good grades, speak fluent standard English, and become open about our accomplishments, people assume we are trying to be more white. We are not trying to be white. We are trying to be successful in a world that was designed to oppress us. We are not assimilating, we are taking over.
A lot of people question how I went to a Catholic school (2 in fact) but am Atheist. It’s simple really, I got my communion and confirmation before I was old enough to question what I was being committed to. A piece of paper was all it took to get me accepted. High school is where I really began to take a closer look at religion and what I believed, and it was these classes that solidified that I believed in nothing. Things just were and are and will be, and that was it. As I questioned myself, I began to question my teachers. They didn’t seem to like that too much, it made them uncomfortable (which we now know gives me pleasure). Needless to say, I got myself into quite a bit of trouble, but yet nobody was ever able to answer any of my questions confidently or honestly. I found my religion teachers to be the most arrogant and ignorant despite their profession. I had one tell me that I should believe in God on the off chance that He was real. Well if that were the case then I am 1000% sure I would still end up in Hell, so I think I will take my chances.
Besides the lack of answers, I chose not to follow a religion because I hate the idea of being a follower, and even a leader. The idea of being a sheep is traumatic to me; to follow without question or reason. For those who are Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, and everything in between, I hope you have questioned your faith. I hope you have questioned and found the answers, and continued your faith. I hope you listen to your faith leaders and question the words they say. Think them over. Think of the context, and current situations. Process the information before accepting it. THINK for yourself. I believe there can be happiness and peace with religion, it just isn’t for me. But it is the followers who dictate what the leader needs to provide, and it is your support that they require to continue leading. Make sure that what you are supporting is for your own best interest. If you already did all of these things, then you are a person I probably would have called a friend.
Speaking of friends, if you speak fluent sarcasm and are super comfortable and honest really early on, you would also be someone I would call a friend. There’s nothing like sharing horror stories about bodily functions/fluids around a table while drinking sangria and eating Tostitos. I feel like this is a conversation for a later date, but we also needed to end this conversation on a note where I laughed (and hopefully a few other soul mates of mine), and you winced but have a guilty pleasure about wanting to know more. Press the follow button at the bottom of the page, and never miss an update. Till next time fam.
The Journey Continues.